The Filipino Man and the Sea

*Disclaimer: I’m not a doctor and lack any degrees associated with the medical field. Which is a moot point in this case, because you don’t have to be an MD to know that this story is complete and utter bullshit.

For those of you who haven’t heard the latest and greatest in the saga of Manny and the torn rotator cuff, you’ll be happy to learn that he’s been fully healed. “But Jenna,” you might be saying “I heard/read/was told by my neighborhood Pactard that Manny was neglecting to go to rehab in LA. Did he go to rehab in the Phillippines instead?” And to you I say no, dear reader. To my knowledge, as of this day our favorite Filipino fighter remains with his feet steadfastly grounded on the subject of rehab. Because he’s got something better:

God and the ocean.

That’s right. Several boxing news sources revealed late last week that Pac-man himself reported his shoulder has been completely healed through prayer and swimming in the salty sea.  And the never ending supply of Yes Men in his camp have (of course) totally gone along with this nonsense, also attributing Pac’s miraculous turnaround to his faith and devotion to God and the healing properties of saltwater. I couldn’t make this up if I tried. 

Couple of problems with this, guys (and gals-no misogyny up in here): First of all (again, no medical background), wouldn’t it be extremely painful and difficult to breaststroke with a torn rotator cuff? And wouldn’t it be EVEN HARDER to swim with a newly repaired (formerly torn) rotator cuff that had required surgical intervention but had never been worked in rehab? 

Yes, people. Yes it would. (Not to mention the fact that were Manny actually swimming with a newly repaired non-rehabbed injury in the ocean he might,oh I don’t know, appear to be injured. This would leave him susceptible to shark attacks. IJS, I watch “Shark Week.” šŸ˜) This feat was more irresponsible on the part of the Pac camp than that time when they encouraged his singing career. 

If one were a bit cynical (like me), one might attribute this sudden healing to another recent announcement made by none other than Bastard Bob Arum himself regarding a fight between Pacquaio and everyone’s favourite whiny Brit, Amir Khan. Per Arum, this fight would occur in 2016 in Dubai. Nice of them to throw a bone Khan’s way after Mayweather jerked him around so, but this should raise more than just a few eyebrows on the validity of Shouldergate as a whole.

Now, as a testament to my loyalty toward this blog (and because I got a really gross bruise from drunkenly walking into my bed frame about a week ago that I wanted to get rid of. It’s still shorts season.) I decided to conduct my own saltwater healing experiment.  I didn’t think to take a “Before” picture, so you’ll have to take my word for it when I say the bruise was, indeed, really gross. Picture it completely filled in, reddish/purplish/blackish and puffy. 

And here’s the “After,” four days of daily, half-hour long Epsom salt soaks later (Excuse my super white skin):

  
So as you can see, saltwater DOES have some healing powers. Had I added prayer, this might have cleared up completely before my beach trip. But you all know what they say about hindsight. (Shoutout to Walgreen’s Epsom Salt, BTW. Incidentally, the back of the bag also lauds its effectiveness as an enema treatment, but I’m not that committed to this cause. Perhaps Manny can try it out after his next ass reaming by Mayweather, should that day ever come.)

Pacquaio just needs to come clean, admit that he lost the fight fair and square without some excuse about a made up shoulder injury, and let us all forget that this idiocy ever happened.  The dude is a legend in the ring and this crap is beneath him. It would be truly sad for this to be one of the final things to tarnish the legacy of an otherwise brilliant boxer and seemingly good person.  Be better, Manny. 
Been a little quiet lately but I’m still on Twitter, y’all!  @junk_n_trunx 

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