Inside the Mind of Brandon Rios

This post could just as easily be called “What’s Going on in Brandon Rios’s Head Aside from Heavy Rotation of the Word ‘Fuck’”?

Last week brought with it the news of a bout between Danny Garcia and Brandon Rios, and I couldn’t be more excited about it. This is mostly due to my love of Rios, but also largely in part to my deep dislike of Danny Garcia. (Warning: For some reason, I’m unable to refer to Danny Garcia as anything other than his full name or an expletive, both of which will probably make their presence known here. Also-trigger warning-Angel Garcia is mentioned, in case you need a toilet or trash can nearby for the impending violent dry heaving that is sure to occur upon the mere mention of his name. On second thought, just read this entire piece while either on or near a toilet.) I also just enjoy watching Rios in all his unhinged glory, and the first Rios vs. Alvarado fight will remain one of my all time favorites.

I’m elated over this fight for two reasons: 1.) From what I’ve seen of Danny Garcia (which isn’t much, because refer back to the first paragraph where I talk about how I can’t stand him) he’s not a very interesting fighter. Yes, he pushes the gas pedal when necessary and one really can’t deny his talent (I’ve tried), but I’ve yet to see anything too impressive in the way of an all out, toe-to-to brawl; and 2.) Rios is batshit crazy, and I mean that in a good way. One of things I find most intriguing about Rios is that the guy smiles everytime he’s punched in the face, and  I’m not sure Danny Garcia will know how to handle that.  (To be fair, I’m also not sure that anyone save for a trained professional knows how to deal with that.) 

It’s not the smile itself that mystifies me, but what the smile represents-an absolute, all out war mentality with a fuck-you-I’m-not-quitting attitude.  That, or Rios is just thinking about when he’s going to get his next scoop of Baskin Robbins. Either way, join me below as I delve deeper into the elusive meaning of the smile behind the punch. 

1. Ice Cream

Who doesn’t smile when they think of ice cream? (Aside from vegans and the lactose intolerant, and even then they’ve taken it upon themselves to invent lactose-free and soy ice cream, so my point still stands.)   The mere thought of Rocky Road has evoked mirth in even the most stoic of humans, and the Dalai Lama himself once said “If you think you’re too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito in the room.” Granted, this has nothing to do with ice cream, but when I googled “Quotes about Ice Cream from Major World Leaders” it was either this or some quote from Steve Jobs that isn’t nearly as cool. (Ha. Ha.)

Anyway, ice cream can move mountains and solve the problems of the people, both big and small, and for that it’s deserving of a a smirk at the very least.  Ice cream brings people together, and  I’m pretty sure I even know Rios’s favorite flavor:

                                                                   Stop shaking your head, we all saw this coming.

2. Dogs

 Everyone loves dogs, even those who say they’re allergic or claim to be immune to the charming powers of the canine.   While I can’t be absolutely certain what kind of dog Rios is thinking of while grinning (and I hope like hell it isn’t a chihuahua), I’m sure that some lucky pooch somewhere has captured his heart-and yes-his smile. 


                                 This isn’t Rios’s dog. This is my dog, who is clearly not a Golovkin fan.
3. Trick-or-Treating

Training camp be damned, Halloween is coming up and Rios has kids. Trick-or-treating is a rite of passage for all children, teenagers, and those few lucky adults over the age of 23 who are the same height as a fifth grader and are acting as the chaperone for their 10 year old niece.  ‘Tis the season for Kit Kat, Butterfinger, and those really cool Reese’s pumpkins as it truly is the most wonderful time of the year.  Besides, even if he has no interest in candy he can still sport a badass costume. (But never one of those lame t-shirts that says “This is my Costume,” only derelicts and Pennywise [not the band] wear those. )

                                                               Someone gave Danny Garcia a rock 😦  
4. The Smell of a New Book

I’m not sure how one would  physically carry this out, but take all of your previous notions and pre-formed ideas about traditionally good smelling things and get rid of them (probably a good idea to do this on a bulky item collection day), because friends, few smells induce a smile like the smell of a new book.  Although his image might suggest otherwise, Rios could secretly be a bibliophile of massive proportions, hell-bent on sustaining the image of a shorter, lighter, foul-mouthed modern-day Rocky.

Picture this, if you will: An obviously tired Rios, exhausted and spent after a long day of training, collapses into a red leather arm chair with a hardback tome. Possibly “War and Peace,” or perhaps the ninth installation in the Harry Potter series, whose title I can’t remember but which was long as fuck and really intimidating looking at first glance.  


                                       Not buying it? Me either, but here’s a picture of a book anyway.
5. (And most likely): Beating the Shit out of Angel Garcia
When you really think about it, this makes either the least amount of sense or the most amount of sense. While it’s somewhat likely that in truth Brandon was never thinking of beating up Angel Garcia until quite recently, it is far MORE likely that he’s really been pondering the idea since he was in the womb.  Because surely, deep down inside all of us there’s a tiny, sweet piece of something that yearns for the day when Angel Garcia will get caught by the cheapest of shots as a consequence for his annoying and ever present running mouth. 

And who better to deliver this shot than Rios himself? It’s almost as if Brandon were privy to the knowledge that Angel Garcia was destined to become a douchebag of immense proportions before Angel Garcia came to fulfill this prophecy. And Rios, being the gift from God that he is (along with breakfast tacos) was sent from the spiritual world to the physical in order to vanquish this, our true mortal enemy.  But not, like, kill him or anything. Just shut him up for a minute.  With his fists.

 (Those are either boxing gloves or Rios is suffering from the same affliction as Evan Peters on “AHS: Freak Show.” Also, here I’ve            reduced Brandon’s communication skills to that of a Pokemon.)

I’ll continue to hope that Angel Garcia will someday stop talking (thought not as a result of any bodily or neurological harm and by choice only ) on Twitter at @littlejenna37 or at junkinthetrunks37@gmail.com

                                                                         

Advertisements

GGG vs Canelo: Choose Your Babysitter

Close your eyes, my friends (after you read this intro, that is) and picture with me the front door to your residence. The doorbell rings unexpectedly, you aren’t expecting company, and since you’re nothing like me you answer it anyway. On the front step are two very recognizable men, one in a suit and one in a shirt emblazoned with the initials “CA” (I assume this is their normal walking-around wear). From the outstretched hand of the suited man is a flier with the words “Need a Babysitter? Please call: …..” (only there’s really a number there not a bunch of dots).

The men in front of you are none other than Gennady Golovkin and Canelo Alvarez, and for some untold reason they’ve become babysitters. 

Clearly, you’re a bit angry as they’ve ignored the “no soliciting” policy of the neighborhood. But you quickly forget this anger, as  at the very least they aren’t peddling the shitty Chinese restaurant up the street, an irritating occurrence you’ve become used to. And also-it’s GGG and Canelo. You politely accept the flier, shake hands with both, and close the door (after telling Canelo that he lost to Lara). Now you’re faced with a bigger problem: which one do you choose? 

Luckily, I’ve done the hard work for you. After extensive hours of research on the subject, I present a comparison of how the two men stack up in the most crucially super important points to consider in selecting a sitter for your child. (Or adult. I don’t know your life. )  Read below to reach enlightenment:

Birth Order

Birth order could certainly serve as an important factor in choosing a caregiver for your child. After all, in multi-children households, who else do irresponsible parents often look to as a “suitable” caregiver but the older sibling? As the youngest child and only girl in the family, I was countlessly left in the care of my two older brothers- one of whom openly hated me (it’s not his fault, I was clearly the favorite) and the other who often took to pelting the-one-who-hated-me and me with pennies or anything else within arm’s reach when the mood struck him. (There were also several incidents that involved me being tied to a chair with my jump rope and a sock stuffed into my mouth because I was being “too loud and annoying” [lies], but there’s another time and place for those anecdotes.) 

At any rate, even though the experiences frequently include incidents that one might equate to child abuse, baby sitting a sibling could easily provide one with the experience necessary to be a caregiver for a child. Unfortunately, for this particular dilemma, both are the youngest in their families. However, GGG IS a twin, and while I’m not certain who was born first I’m gonna go with it was him for the purposes of this article. Clearly, this puts him in a position of superiority over his seconds-to-minutes younger brother and gives him the upper hand in this category. 

Number of Children Legally Assigned to Them (AKA: How Many Kids Do They Have?)

One. Each. Not making this easy on anyone. Care.com is starting to look pretty good. Side note but relevant-I just had an urge to see if a “true” Baby Sitter’s Club exists outside of the books. It doesn’t. 

How Old is the One Child They Each Have?

This is a little tricky, y’all. Understandably, both men likely prefer to keep the lives of their loved ones (especially their children) under wraps (no pun intended unless it was funny), so little information exists on the kiddos. However, I once saw an episode of “24/7” where Canelo said that his daughter was born when he was a teenager. As I don’t know his exact age when she was born and we technically have seven years to work with, I’m gonna go with 15. Seeing as Canelo is now 27 years old (a slightly depressing fact when I think of all the bullshit I was doing at 27), that would make her 11ish, depending on her birthday. According to one of the scant sources I found online addressing the subject, GGG has a son in primary school and recently welcomed a daughter into the world. Even though GGG has more children, Canelo has more years of experience, so this round goes to him. 

PSA-While doing research for this, I found an article referring to Canelo’s daughter as his “seed.” Outside of fertility clinics, this should probably never happen.  

Languages Spoken

I’m not a parent, but as someone who has seen parents in public with their children (and is the proud leasee of cable each month), parents seem to be OBSESSED with their offspring being multilingual. And why not? While being anything more than unilingual has been all the rage in pretty much every country besides the US for decades now, we’re finally starting to catch up. So of course, parents would want a sitter who can help little Jackie and Judy learn Blackfoot (the most metal language that came up when I googled “Names of Languages”). 

In the Language Department (not a true department), Canelo speaks Spanish fluently and some English-very little though. GGG speaks four languages: Kazakh, Russian, German, and English.  While I’m super impressed that he speaks four languages, I’m going with a draw in this category. Yes, it’s crazy impressive that he’s quadrilingual, but when are my fictional children ever going to use Kazakh? German would be really cool to know for Oktoberfest, but in South Texas English or Spanish would more than suffice.  

Ginger vs Sandy Blonde or Light Brown, Whatever Color GGG’s Hair is Dependent Upon Lighting

Since this is vital in choosing a caregiver for your loved one, I’ll spare any intro and jump right in. 

Famous Male Redheads

Seth Green-Most notable for his role as Kenny Fisher in “Can’t Hardly Wait.” Is also short and seems kind of funny. 

Ron Howard-Who could look at Richie Cunningham and not automatically think of a warm blanket of trust and dependability?

Rupert Grint- Duh. 

David Caruso-The cheesy, sunglasses wearing pseudo-badass on CSI: Miami who will never be as great as Gil Grissom.

Prince Harry-I mean, he’s a prince. 

Famous Male Guys with GGG’s Hair Color: (Credit to Xazu 20 and the list “Beautiful Blonde Men” on IMBD for their assistance.)

Justin Hartley-He’s an actor of some sort.

Ryan Philippe-That dude who knocked up Reese Witherspoon.

David Beckham-Should have been at the top of this list.

Ashley Parker Angel-This guy who went “Girl name, boy name, porn last name” when choosing his celebrity moniker.

David Bowie-Fucking. Icon. (From a non-fan, even.)

Jason Mewes-Though I love him, I’m a bit (read: very) confused as to how he ended up on a list of “beautiful” men.  The incomparable Jay to Kevin Smith’s “Silent Bob,” he’s the offensive, druggie loudmouth we all love to-well love, really.

Canelo takes this one. Also, I think we’ve all learned that there’s a definite “put up or shut up” quality associated with being a redhead, as not one of those peeps is unknowable. 

Who is Better at “The Game of Life?”

This question is not being posed in order to provoke thought or to be existential,  I just really want to know who is better at the board game “The Game of Life,” because that’s what you play when you babysit someone (or at least it was when I was being babysat  by people other than my brothers 20+ years ago OMG).  To be honest, I see Canelo as more of a video game guy. An X-Box player, really.  He probably thinks that board games are boring or beneath him, or even worse he plays “Risk.” GGG seems more willing to enjoy a riveting game “The Game of Life” with his charges, and probably picks the red car.  Dude might even play “Candyland” if you remember to add the word “please” to your request. Clear winner-GGG. 

The Verdict?

Going off of points alone, Canelo would appear to be the obvious choice. But, since I like GGG better I’m going with him for the win. (Strange turn of events, no?) Here’s hoping that’s not the only decision he gets this weekend. 

PS-I’m fine with a knockout, too. 

If you’re bored and on Twitter, you’d an find me at @littlejenna37, or by searching “Junk in the Trunks” on Facebook. 


Why Rousey vs. Mayweather Will Never Happen

In the words of the immortal Tone Loc, “let’s do this.”

Unless you’ve been hiding from Bleacher Report or Facebook for the past month, you’ve undoubtedly heard in some form or fashion about the “beef” that’s been occurring between Ronda Rousey and Floyd Mayweather. (“Beef” is in quotes, btw, because it really seems like this is just Ronda being an attention whore and that Floyd is metaphorically swatting away the annoying fly without truly being all that angered toward her.) I really want this to go away, but I’ve also found that I apparently have strong feelings about this that just won’t quit; and as the old saying goes: “Those who can do, those who can’t teach, and the rest blog.” Or something like that.

First of all, there is no way in hell that Floyd or Floyd’s people (read: Al Haymon) would ever allow him to do this. This would be a PR nightmare for all involved. It doesn’t require exceptional mental prowess to understand that pitting a man convicted of domestic violence against his ex-baby mama in a ring with the intent to fight a woman is a bad idea. Period. And even if all of the VIPs in Floyd’s camp (read: Al Haymon) suffered a giant lapse in judgment, there isn’t a sanctioning body in the nation that would allow this fight to occur, BECAUSE IT’S A TERRIBLE IDEA. (Not even Texas, which is saying a lot. Of course, if the potential bout was JCC Jr. or Canelo vs. Rousey, Texas would be all over it. And Jr. or Canelo would win before even arriving at the arena. That’s just how we roll down here).

If, hypothetically, this fight were agreed upon by all parties, magically obtained a sanctioning body, and was actually going to happen, the next roadblock would be figuring out what type of fight it would be: MMA vs. boxing.  Before I go any further, I’d like to take a second to recognize the legion of rhinestone studded Affliction t-shirt wearing masses who have leapt at the opportunity to point out that “Ronda would kick Floyd’s ass in an MMA fight!” You’re probably right. (Take a screenshot of this, folks, and save it forever as it’s more than likely the only time that I’ll acknowledge and/or agree with MMA fans.) But it doesn’t matter, because I guarantee that this would be a boxing match.  And here’s why:

Yes, Ronda has become a nationally (internationally?) recognized phenom in MMA. Rightfully so. This chick has worked her ass off and earned her place at the top. She’s a beast. But she’s no Mayweather. She lacks the star power, notoriety, (love him or hate him, you’re still watching his fights, and if you say that you aren’t, you’re lying. The same can’t be said for Rousey.)and most importantly the money (TMT shoutout!) that is associated with a Mayweather fight. This man generates millions upon millions of dollars in ticket sales alone, not even counting what he makes in PPV sales, merch sales, or money from “All Access.” And as we all know, the dollar always wins.  I’m not saying that there wouldn’t be a multitude of arguments and contract negotiations between the two camps, because there would be. But Floyd would win in the end, because if he didn’t get his way, he would walk. And the whole thing would be just another pipe dream. (Hopefully much like Margarito’s recent push to get back into the ring, which would definitely be sanctioned by Texas.)

I would say that weight class would be an issue, but more than likely they would just fight under an agreed upon catchweight (which fight fans just LOVE but would be a necessary evil in this case) with a rehydration clause. I just felt like I should address it because I wrote “Weight Class???” as a potential barrier in my notes.

All jest aside, though, there lies a much bigger and important issue at stake here: feminism-to an extent, anyway.  (Bye, male readers! Thanks for sticking around for the first half!) As I’ve previously mentioned, Rousey’s is a household name now, and her fame and accolades are certainly well deserved. She’s become a hero to young girls, which is something I find appropriate. As someone who isn’t even an MMA fan, I have a lot of respect for her because she’s become such a prominent figure in a male-driven sport, and I wholeheartedly agree that her status as a mentor is appropriate. With all of that being said, does she really want to encourage to the girls who idolize her the idea that it’s okay for a guy to hit you (because let’s be real, Floyd would get a few hits in) if you’re being paid for it? Because that’s kind of the message that she’s sending. 

There’s also the fact that she hangs out with Mike Tyson, a convicted rapist. Regardless of your feelings about Iron Mike, the fact remains that he WAS convicted and served time. Much like Floyd WAS convicted and served time for his wrongdoings as well. Both men have multiple crimes against women under their respective belts (no pun intended), and although these crimes differ in nature they are very much equals in that respect. Why, then, is there no call to arms against Mike circulating various social media platforms? Eye for an eye, right? At least, that seems to be the antequated notion she’s operating under.  Maybe because that fight just wouldn’t be as lucrative. 

At any rate, I truly do hope that this nonsense is over now.  Because a marriage between these two sports (even if only for a night) is a bastardization that I just can’t handle. After all, I don’t even own a Bedazzler. 

One (more) Time?

First, any chance I have to quote Britney, I’ll take.

Secondly, (and keeping with the musical theme) supersition ain’t the way, y’all.

As most of my loyal readers (hi, family!) know, I’m a big Keith Thurman fan. He’s probably my favorite boxer, which says a lot as I don’t have one favorite anything. At least quarterly, Keith Thurman and superstition intersect in my life in this major way:

  
Ladies and gentleman of the blogosphere, I present to you my Facebook (and Twitter) picture. Now don’t get me wrong, this is my picture for about half the year anyway as it’s one of my favorites. But God forbid I have any other picture as my profile on social media about two weeks prior to a Thurman fight, be it a picture of family, the Pope (it never would be), or my dogs. Because somehow, some way, in this wonderfully intricate and beautiful universe of ours, this picture carries great weight in ensuring a Thurman win.

Or at least to me it does. 

So every few weeks before a Thurman fight without fail, this picture goes up. (This quirk has not gone unnoticed by the few friends I have who also hold an interest in the pugilistic arts, by the way.) And every time it does, like clockwork, a win. 

But this year, my superstitions got a little out of control. Not only did the requisite photo go up on social media just in time, I also talked myself into wearing a dress to the fight party I was hosting. Because after all, there was another time when I wore a dress on another night that Keith was fighting and he won then, too.  And then there were my bangs. To straighten or not to straighten? As I was putting the flat iron back into the bathroom cabinet because I deemed it would take too much time to straighten my hair, my hand stopped cold as I withdrew it. 

I had to straighten my damned bangs.

 Because EVERY OTHER TIME I’ve watched Keith fight, I wore my bangs straight. (Seriously, in retrospect I’m not even entirely sure this last part is true.) So out came the flat iron, and amid the straightening serum and my new split ends, I realized that I had gone overboard. Just a bit. If (when) Keith won that night, it would be entirely the consequence of his hard work and dedication to a sport that had been the root of his existence since childhood, and would have very little (if nothing) to do with my attire or choice of hairstyle.

And then the fight came, and we saw a version of Thurman that’s been creeping it’s way in since his fight with Bundu in December. Thurman the boxer, Thurman the “runner” (At least for a split second. I suppose it could also be regarded as “showing ring generalship,” since it did require Collazo to follow him, but it’s something I don’t like seeing from Keith),  and, (as much as I hate to admit it) Thurman the vulnerable.  That body shot was intense, y’all. I’ve never seen Thurman in pain like that, and it was a bit scary. 

Thankfully, the accidental headbutt serving as Collazo’s excuse to be a quitter came just in time, and Thurman collected another W. But I doubt I’m alone in speculating that this fight was not the exhibition that it should have been for Thurman, and it in no way appeared to be as easy as was expected.

There’s been much speculation over Thurman lately;  his power, the effect of his relationship with Al Haymon, and his worth in the boxing world. He’s definitely not the same fighter that he was even a year and a half ago-the guy who could take you out with a solitary punch in a late round-and as a result, he’s lost some of his excitement factor.  Oh, there’s always the chance that it could happen, and it probably will again soon. But it hasn’t happened since April of last year, when Julio Diaz took a knee and ended their fight in the third round after a tough body shot. 

Don’t get me wrong-as a true fan of Thurman I thoroughly enjoyed the discovery of Keith as more than a one-dimensional power puncher against Bundu, it was just a shock to the system and not at all what I was accustomed to. But after another decision win against Guerrero and now this, I’m ready for the power puncher to come back.  

Or is it just that opponents know what to expect from him now, and train in such a manner as to avoid his one shot KO strategy and force him to box? That’s definitely the safer strategy in a fight against Thurman. And how much blame can be placed on Uncle Al for potentially shielding Keith from tougher opponents, those who could truly force him to push himself to an even higher level? Does Thurman deserve a shot at Mayweather? (For the record: I don’t believe that he does, but I’ve been saying that for quite some time now. I just don’t want him to peak too soon). 

But for now-a win is a win, and I remain as big a Thurman fan as before. I’m excited to see the direction his career will be taking from here, and can be counted on to watch his next fight. 

 Only this time, I’ll have curly hair and will be wearing pants.
Follow me on Twitter! I’m @junk_n_trunx 

Chisme and Review Part 2

Because I like to rhyme and I was, um, out of time. (See what I did there?) Here’s your review of last night’s PBC fights and the weekly Chisme article, along with a surprise bonus topic (!)

Andy Lee vs. Peter Quillin

First of all, let’s address the elephant in the room: Is it really pronounced “Kwill-in” or should we all actually be saying “Kee-in”? (My vote is on the second one, btw.) And if it really is “Kwill-in,” then why the hell did his trunks say “100% Puro” on them? Given the empirical evidence presented, “Kee-in” makes more sense. (Plus, as a South Texan, it’s an easier default. “Kwill-in” requires way too much effort. It’s just not natural.)

Now that the hard part is over, on to the fight. I’m sure that I speak for the majority (but with my Kanye-esque ego, I’m usually pretty sure of that) when I say that this fight turned out to be a surprisingly even battle. Although he was dormant in the first few rounds, Andy Lee made an astonishing comeback. I thought that Peter Quillin put on a great performance as well, which was a bit surprising seeing as he couldn’t even be bothered to make weight for the fight. I wasn’t a big Lee fan before, and had only seen him fight a handful of other times, but I really enjoyed his performance last night. He showed a lot of heart and refused to be defeated, even after suffering a knockdown and some hard blows (huh huh) early on in the bout.

Which brings me to what will surely go down in history as “Toe Gate.” Lee went down in the third round, and while it was scored a knock down by the ref, it appeared as though  Quillin had actually stepped on Lee’s foot causing him to fall. (And this is me being generous-playback and a picture I saw on Facebook showed that Quillen stood on the man’s foot, causing a fall). Still, it was scored in favor of Quillen, which became a hot topic amongst fans (including my husband-never in my lifetime have I heard so many “See? I told you so’s” than with this particular incident AND  that time when he predicted that Christian Bale would win an Oscar for his performance as Dicky Eklund in “The Fighter”) and was the subject of many a debate across the Interwebs.

So the fight was ruled a draw, which I thought was a very fair call. Yes, Toe Gate did play a role in points being taken from Lee that probably shouldn’t have been, but Lee wasn’t too successful in the early rounds of the fight anyway and really didn’t shine until the mid- to late rounds, so it was kind of a wash. Also, since judges in boxing are NEVER corrupt (shoutout, Texas!) a draw against Quillin in his home arena was really still a win, anyway. This is a fight that I would love to see a rematch of, especially if Quillin made weight.

Danny Garcia vs. Lamont Peterson

I had originally thought of writing a prediction article for this fight, but decided against it solely because it would be the least thought out and shortest article in history, basically culminating in something like this: “I hope that they both somehow manage to knock each other out at the same time, but that Lamont Peterson is able to miraculously get up, stagger over to Angel Garcia, knock him out too, and then fall back down.” Fueling my haterade filled perspective is this: I was, up until last week (two weeks ago?) a big Amir Khan fan (shame), and old habits die hard. One of the first fights to ever really excite me and engage my attention in the sport was Khan vs. Peterson, which was ruled in favor of Cheaterson (:D) who later was found to have tested positive for PEDs (performance enhancing drugs), specifically testosterone, and was stripped of the belt for that bout. And of course, we all remember that time when Garcia KO’d Khan (quite beautifully, really), in the third round of their face off, resulting in me drunkenly laying on the floor of my apartment repeating “This is the worst thing that’s ever happened to me” over and over until it was time to go to bed. (And then mercilessly posting about it on FB every day for a week #sorrynotsorry).

Anyway.

All of this just to say that I came into this bout believing that the lesser of two evils is still an evil. And then I remembered that I’m no longer a Khan fan and can now come out of the proverbial closet to all of you about the fact that I was secretly excited to watch every single damn Garcia fight after the insipid Khan bout because he’s a talented and strong fighter and can be really, really fun to watch sometimes (except for the year 2014 as a whole).  And Lamont Peterson was a foster kid, and I have a soft spot in my little black heart for foster kids. And shoutout to Al Haymon, who (I’m assuming) had a gag order against Angel Garcia for any and all  bullshit leading up to the bout, because he was surprisingly quiet and the whole world thanks him for that. The whole world. Even snails. (Seriously, the week of April 5-April 11 should henceforth be dubbed “Thank Al Haymon Week” in honor of this great achievement). More realistically, what probably happened was that only the lucky peeps attending the press conference were privy to Angel Garcia’s nonsense and since PBC doesn’t televise their press conferences and the rest of the world is preoccupied with Pac/Mayweather we just didn’t hear about it. Whatever happened, I’m in favor of it. Hell if it was the gag order option, Haymon can come to me next time to pay the court costs and filing fees.

But I digress (shocker). This fight also turned out differently than I thought it would, which is truly one of the best aspects of boxing as a whole. Strategies always change, and the best of the best accept this, adapt to it, and use it in their favor. Lamont Peterson showed exceptional ring generalship (I LOVE that term, and always picture the subject of my rant in the same outfit as Cap’n Crunch whenever I am lucky enough to use it) for the first half of the fight and was really frustrating the hell out of Danny Garcia because he didn’t just stand there and engage. (Probably would have equaled suicide. Garcia is a really strong dude). But in the second half, the playing field was a little more level and it became more fun to watch. The two both engaged in showmanship, with the little foot shuffle dance off in the tenth round being my least favorite, but still funny nonetheless. Prior to the fight, Peterson was asked for his prediction as to when the fight would end, and he said the tenth round. This made me wonder if part of his strategy was to outbox Garcia in the first half and then engage more in the second as a means of survival, or if he just wasn’t up for a slug fest against Danny (again-suicide IMO) for the duration of the fight. Either way, it made for an enjoyable, if not slightly boring at times, bout.

I was not in any way, shape, or form surprised that Garcia took the win. From what I’ve observed in the past, using the strategy that Peterson adapted typically results in a loss because he just didn’t engage enough. (I’ve also noticed that it tends to be divisive among fans-some really enjoy it and others view it as-ugh- “running.”) Although Danny’s face would suggest otherwise-call it running if you want, but Peterson absolutely got in some really good shots against DSG. And the cynic in me (which is, like 95% of me) also had a feeling coming into this that Garcia would win, as he’s the favorite. Good fight, no need for a rematch. Hope that doesn’t happen.

And if you’re having a boring Sunday and would like to witness some really fun trash talk, go to the Twitter and check out Sugar Shane Mosley’s feed (@ShaneMosley_). He thought that Peterson should have won the fight and definitely did NOT keep that to himself.

Bonus: Trunk Show

Because every now and then, one of these dudes has trunks that are too glorious to go unnoticed. The inaugural nod for this section goes to Danny “Swift” Garcia and his giraffe print trunks. Giraffe. At first glance I thought that the boxing world was being treated to yet another set of leopard print trunks, but Danny had another idea in mind. Whether this is a personal throwback to Geoffrey the Toys “R” Us giraffe in honor of more innocent times or just a personal favorite of DSG’s, the boxing community thanks you.

Chisme

My favorite, Keith “One Time” Thurman, called out Amir Khan on “Tha Boxing Voice” for being a “chump,” “soft,”  and a worse cherry picker than Mayweather. And it was pretty amazing. He also challenged him to a fight tomorrow (um, which would actually be today, since it happened last night) and said that Khan wasn’t ready for him, which I completely agree with. If y’all are interested in watching the video, it can be found on YouTube.

Adrien Broner was spotted at the PBC fight last night ringside wearing a shirt that looked like it was borrowed from DJ Jazzy Jeff right before being thrown out of Uncle Phil’s mansion. Not really gossip, but worth noting anyway. In other Broner news, he called out Danny Garcia for a fight in September. This would be a good candidate for a PBC fight later in the year, and one that would likely make for an interesting matchup. (Not to mention that it would likely garner a mention in the “Trunk Show” section). Garcia’s only request was to make the bout happen in Philly so this could be something to look forward to.

Robert Garcia was interviewed on Grantland’s “The Ropes” podcast a couple of weeks ago (I’m a little behind, obvi), and confirmed that Marcos Maidana has put on a of weight and is taking a year off from boxing. If anyone deserves a year off, it’s definitely Maidana who had one hell of a 2014, but the weight gain is a little disheartening, although not at all uncommon amongst fighters. Also noteworthy was Garcia’s statement that Marcos’s younger brother, Fabian Maidana, (who will be fighting on this Saturday’s Chavez Jr undercard) is a better fighter than Marcos. I guess this is TBA until we all see more of him.

Sergio Martinez could be announcing a career decision very soon. Were it up to me (unfortunately, it’s not), I’d advise him to retire. Sergio was an amazing and engaging fighter during his time, but his age and his bad knees have caught up with him. But man, it was so much fun to watch while it lasted.

After announcing a bout with Chris Algieri last week much to my chagrin (and everyone else with a pulse-you know you were awake nights lamenting this), Amir Khan pulled a “just kidding,” and is now stating that the fight hasn’t yet been finalized. This was probably in response to the backlash he received from everyone in the world (even snails) after announcing that nonsense. Kell Brook has finalized his next bout against Frankie Gavin on May 30, so I’m guessing that ship has sailed for now, anyway (probably forever).

PSA-This Saturday (4/18) is going to be an amazing night of fights. Chavez Jr is fighting Fonfara  on Showtime, and the highly, highly HIGHLY anticipated Mathysse vs. Provodnikov (this could actually be a match where both fighters knock each other out at the same time) is on HBO. Get ready for some fangirl madness coming up, y’all.

Also-notice a lack of Mayweather/Pac chisme? Wanna know why? Stay tuned.