Coooooooooooottoooooooooo!

First off- no, I don’t mean MMA (or UFC).

Secondly-My favorite boxer isn’t Manny Pacquaio. 

This, my friends, is just a short glimpse into the life of a female boxing fan. When attempting to engage a new person in a conversation about the sport, I’m typically met with a sneer of some sort when the d-bag I’m talking to dismisses me as being just some cute lil thing trying to impress the big boys. Then comes the inevitable. The response I loathe. “Who is your favorite boxer, anyway? Mannnnyyy?” (It’s said just like that, too. If you really want the full effect, read it out loud, and if you don’t sound like a complete dickhead at first, re-read it until you do.) I tend to enjoy responding to this, especially in front of a larger group of people, because nine times out of ten the person has no idea who my favorite boxer is after I say their name. (Or in the case of a Facebook convo, who the dude in the picture with me is.)

Duh. Keith “One Time” Thurman.

The point can also be driven home by dropping a few other names obscure to your typical random asshat casual boxing fan, like so:

Amir Khan (stop laughing)

Brandon Rios

Kell Brook

Adrien Broner

Shawn Porter

Ruslan Provodnikov

And if you really want to sound like a boxing hipster, bring Cuba into the conversation. I guarantee that after throwing around an Erislandy Lara or (even better) a Guillermo Rigondeaux, you’ve pretty much won this fight. A couple of years ago, the same effect could have been achieved by dropping a Gennady Golovkin or (even) a Canelo Alvarez (shocking, especially in Texas, but it used to be so).

Or even this guy: Miguel Cotto. Not so much so in the past couple of years, but I can remember a time when he wasn’t as well known as he is now, at least not to your typical random asshat casual boxing fan (this needs to go on a t-shirt, by the way.)  It can be stated without argument that boxing fans have definitely seen a change for the better in Cotto’s style since he started training with Freddie Roach in 2012.  No longer a boxer (although he is more than capable of being one) but moreso a brawler, bringing action and, well, fun to his fights. (Unless you’re Geale. Pretty sure that wasn’t fun for him.) Roach has succeeded in bringing out the “raging bull” in Cotto, a goal he publicly set for himself when the pair announced that they would be joinng forces.

The same held true in Cotto’s bout against Australian Daniel Geale last night, when Geale went down in the fourth round after being hit with Cotto’s devastating left hook. After being stopped again in the same round, Geale shook his head “no” when asked by the ref if he was okay, and the fight was ended. I feel it’s safe to say that no one was truly suprised that the fight ended this way, with the real fun happening after the decision was announced.

Who does Cotto plan to fight next? Canelo. Not really a shocker to those who follow boxing, as the possibility of this fight had been announced weeks ago. The real surprise (to me, anyway) was when Cotto said that it would be “just another fight,” as Canelo is “just another fighter.”

Que?

Did Cotto miss that fight on 5/9? You know, that uneventful one (sarcasm, by the way) with the beautiful KO of Kirkland? I’m all about boxers down playing another fighter in order to psych themselves up, but if Cotto truly believes this I think we’ll all be in for a one-sided battle. If the fight even happens, that is.  Because Cotto has to take time off to spend with his family before committing to a date. Now, I’m all for taking time off to spend with one’s family (if you like them, otherwise I say screw it and go to Disneyland or something instead.) But dude is averaging one fight PER YEAR. That’s a lot of family time. Moreso even than the likes of other fighters such as Mayweather and Pac, who fight twice a year (as any typical random asshat casual boxing fan would know).

And even with Cotto’s new found offensive-strategy raging bull realness, a fight with Canelo will not be as easy as he may think. Granted, they’re both strong guys and both great fighters in their own likes. But Canelo has the combination of strength and youth behind him. And I know, I know, age isn’t everything, and B-Hop and all, but this combo in a fighter like Canelo could mean bad things for Cotto. Which is why I’m wondering if it happens in the first place. (And really, does Chris Algieri have plans next June? Because if Cotto’s trend of yearly first week in June only fights continues, he might). 

A potential fight with Gennady? I wouldn’t hold my breath on that one, folks. Not only did Cotto stammer out a bs response, it took him about 30 seconds to do so. Bottom line? He’s running scared of GGG, and with good reason, as he plans to retire soon and going out on a fight with GGG probably isn’t the best ending to an otherwise great (for the most part) boxing legacy. 

Finally, I can’t be the only one who caught the major shade Cotto was throwing at Max Kellerman after being asked if he was a middle weight fighter now.  That deserves a “Face Off” special of it’s own. (Does HBO even still do those??)

And for those of you who think I’m being too hard on Cotto, I’m actually a fan.  Had it been up to me, this guy would have been named Cotto. Instead, I let my husband name him. Taco Kawhi. (Texans.)

        Look! He’s being shy and moody, just like his would-be namesake!
Also-I’m on Twitter! You can find me at @junk_n_trunx 

Kovalev vs. Pascal

First and foremost y’all, where were the go-go dancers? Remember the last Pascal fight in Montreal, when there were scantily clad go-go dancers on platforms as if the arena was a cesspool of gluttony, sin, and fuckery? Wasn’t there even fire involved? (I could be making that last part up, but if there wasn’t then there should have been.) None of that this time. Go-go dancers and fire could have only made a positive contribution to the first two cards.

Chilemba v. Lepikhin

These dude’s last names are more interesting than their fight was. Seriously. I feel like the fight could be summed up in the following: Lepikhin should have listened to his daddy and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. (That’s me falling asleep because the fight was so boring).

Cunningham v. Glazkov

Glazkov will be remembered for two things during this fight: a robbery, and that homeboy was channeling some Justin Bieber realness y’all. (Or, as my husband so keenly observed “I think Glazkov used his Tinder profile pic for this.”) I’ll be honest, I tried to pay attention to this one, but it was pretty forgettable as well, although I do think it was more evenly matched than the first bout. Cunningham landed some really heavy shots, but apparently it wasn’t enough to sway the biased judges in his favor. The result was a Glazkov robbery. Ridiculous.

Also, Kennedy Cunningham’s story was heartwarming and inspiring. She is a true fighter and one resilient child. I loved watching the footage of her working the mitts with her dad. Such a neat family. I wish them all the best.

Kovalev v. Pascal

What a damn fight, y’all. This card more than made up for the first two, and I actually had to watch it a few times because I kept feeling like I missed something. Pascal is one tough guy with a lot of heart. I think he got lucky a few times and was able to regain his legs after being knocked clear (almost) out of the ropes, which contributed a lot to his being able to last as long as he did. I was in favor of the controversial stoppage, though. It was evident that Pascal was still stumbling around the ring like a drunk guy during the break, and he wouldn’t have been able to handle more damage from Kovalev (that hook, though! Flawless). In my opinion, the ref did right by protecting his fighter, even though I would have loved to have seen more. It seems like they may already be playing this up for a rematch sometime in the future, which would be a great fight.

This fight seemed oddly kid centered to an extent, what with the piece on Kennedy Cunningham and all the footage of Angel Pascal at ringside. I’m torn on the idea of the young children of boxers being ringside for the event. While I get the appeal of it, I also wonder how screwed up they could become from seeing their parent get so roughed up. (Anyone else remember the way that Cotto’s son reacted during his first fight with Margarito, when his face was basically a bloody mess at the end of the fight?) The announcers (particularly Lampley) seemed very focused on her presence, and the “Angel Pascal has left the building” was comical in a way. (Especially after she came back. The kid probably just had to use the bathroom and Lampley didn’t know any better. How would he know if she truly left the building, anyway?)

Finally, B-hop’s bottom-teeth-only showing smile that he kept flashing awkwardly at the camera while being interviewed by Lampley is something that should be turned into a drinking game for the next fight he announces.