Why Rousey vs. Mayweather Will Never Happen

In the words of the immortal Tone Loc, “let’s do this.”

Unless you’ve been hiding from Bleacher Report or Facebook for the past month, you’ve undoubtedly heard in some form or fashion about the “beef” that’s been occurring between Ronda Rousey and Floyd Mayweather. (“Beef” is in quotes, btw, because it really seems like this is just Ronda being an attention whore and that Floyd is metaphorically swatting away the annoying fly without truly being all that angered toward her.) I really want this to go away, but I’ve also found that I apparently have strong feelings about this that just won’t quit; and as the old saying goes: “Those who can do, those who can’t teach, and the rest blog.” Or something like that.

First of all, there is no way in hell that Floyd or Floyd’s people (read: Al Haymon) would ever allow him to do this. This would be a PR nightmare for all involved. It doesn’t require exceptional mental prowess to understand that pitting a man convicted of domestic violence against his ex-baby mama in a ring with the intent to fight a woman is a bad idea. Period. And even if all of the VIPs in Floyd’s camp (read: Al Haymon) suffered a giant lapse in judgment, there isn’t a sanctioning body in the nation that would allow this fight to occur, BECAUSE IT’S A TERRIBLE IDEA. (Not even Texas, which is saying a lot. Of course, if the potential bout was JCC Jr. or Canelo vs. Rousey, Texas would be all over it. And Jr. or Canelo would win before even arriving at the arena. That’s just how we roll down here).

If, hypothetically, this fight were agreed upon by all parties, magically obtained a sanctioning body, and was actually going to happen, the next roadblock would be figuring out what type of fight it would be: MMA vs. boxing.  Before I go any further, I’d like to take a second to recognize the legion of rhinestone studded Affliction t-shirt wearing masses who have leapt at the opportunity to point out that “Ronda would kick Floyd’s ass in an MMA fight!” You’re probably right. (Take a screenshot of this, folks, and save it forever as it’s more than likely the only time that I’ll acknowledge and/or agree with MMA fans.) But it doesn’t matter, because I guarantee that this would be a boxing match.  And here’s why:

Yes, Ronda has become a nationally (internationally?) recognized phenom in MMA. Rightfully so. This chick has worked her ass off and earned her place at the top. She’s a beast. But she’s no Mayweather. She lacks the star power, notoriety, (love him or hate him, you’re still watching his fights, and if you say that you aren’t, you’re lying. The same can’t be said for Rousey.)and most importantly the money (TMT shoutout!) that is associated with a Mayweather fight. This man generates millions upon millions of dollars in ticket sales alone, not even counting what he makes in PPV sales, merch sales, or money from “All Access.” And as we all know, the dollar always wins.  I’m not saying that there wouldn’t be a multitude of arguments and contract negotiations between the two camps, because there would be. But Floyd would win in the end, because if he didn’t get his way, he would walk. And the whole thing would be just another pipe dream. (Hopefully much like Margarito’s recent push to get back into the ring, which would definitely be sanctioned by Texas.)

I would say that weight class would be an issue, but more than likely they would just fight under an agreed upon catchweight (which fight fans just LOVE but would be a necessary evil in this case) with a rehydration clause. I just felt like I should address it because I wrote “Weight Class???” as a potential barrier in my notes.

All jest aside, though, there lies a much bigger and important issue at stake here: feminism-to an extent, anyway.  (Bye, male readers! Thanks for sticking around for the first half!) As I’ve previously mentioned, Rousey’s is a household name now, and her fame and accolades are certainly well deserved. She’s become a hero to young girls, which is something I find appropriate. As someone who isn’t even an MMA fan, I have a lot of respect for her because she’s become such a prominent figure in a male-driven sport, and I wholeheartedly agree that her status as a mentor is appropriate. With all of that being said, does she really want to encourage to the girls who idolize her the idea that it’s okay for a guy to hit you (because let’s be real, Floyd would get a few hits in) if you’re being paid for it? Because that’s kind of the message that she’s sending. 

There’s also the fact that she hangs out with Mike Tyson, a convicted rapist. Regardless of your feelings about Iron Mike, the fact remains that he WAS convicted and served time. Much like Floyd WAS convicted and served time for his wrongdoings as well. Both men have multiple crimes against women under their respective belts (no pun intended), and although these crimes differ in nature they are very much equals in that respect. Why, then, is there no call to arms against Mike circulating various social media platforms? Eye for an eye, right? At least, that seems to be the antequated notion she’s operating under.  Maybe because that fight just wouldn’t be as lucrative. 

At any rate, I truly do hope that this nonsense is over now.  Because a marriage between these two sports (even if only for a night) is a bastardization that I just can’t handle. After all, I don’t even own a Bedazzler. 

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Gab: This Week in Boxing Ch-Ch-Ch-Chisme (3/23-3/27)

Disclaimer: I’m DWB (Drinking While Blogging) y’all, so this could get a little sloppy.

I need you all to know that in spite of the all of the May/Pac chaos going on, THE MOST IMPORTANT thing to me right now is that Amir Khan has called out Miguel Cotto. Miguel freaking Cotto. (At least there’s a fair chance that Cotto won’t try to dodge this one, amIright?)  Khan stated that he is eschewing (I do love that word) a fight with Kell Brook in favor of a bout with Cotto.  Will it happen? Who knows. Maybe, if Khan can keep his mouth shut and refrain from taking to Twitter to bitch about having to wait for a response. I think that this would be an easy fight for Cotto, honestly, which is why I’m predicting that he’ll take it. As much as I love Khan, I think that Cotto is stronger than him in a big way. Could make for a fun fight, though.

Nonito Donaire is fighting again this weekend in Manila as part of “Pinoy Pride 30” and to be honest, I’m not even sure it’s being shown in the US. It’s kind of sad, really. Dude is ESPN’s “Fighter of the Year” (and well deservedly so) in 2012, and then in 2013 gets his ass literally HANDED TO HIM by Rigondeaux (it’s in the outtakes-Rigo is like “here you go” and gives Nonito his {Nonito’s} butt) and his career is pretty much over. (Save for like, one other fight {that he lost} but y’all get what I’m saying.) Don’t get me wrong-I really like Donaire and thought he could have done big things, but it just wasn’t in the cards. The lesson to be taken from this: if you decide to fuck with a Cuban, at least prepare yourself ahead of time. Watch a few fight tapes beforehand or something. (Although I think it would be pretty cool if Donaire got into the fight commentary biz. I would love to hear his perspective on things. And really, could he be worse than Max Kellerman?) At any rate, I’m hoping for a Donaire win tomorrow.

Audley Harrison announced his retirement and I didn’t even know who he was until that happened. That’s all. (Apparently he’s British, for all you Harry Potter fans).

Hey y’all! Freddie Roach is talking shit again! (Seriously, we should take a drink every time that happens). Freddie has recently alleged that Floyd Joy was knocked out for 10 clean seconds by none other than famed Zab Judah, whom he hired as a sparring partner in preparation for his fight against Manny. Judah is denying this, but he’s also being paid by the Mayweather camp, so who’s surprised? Judah is a hell of a fighter, so even though I’m not sure I believe the story about the knockout, he’s a good candidate to pin it on. Conversely, Manny’s legs are cramping (again), and they’re working to solve the problem (again-although this time with $1,800 massaging cream) I have nothing clever to add to this.

In other Mayweather/Pac news: Kellerman thinks that Mayweather will win, Ronda Rousey things that Pacquaio will win, Khan thinks Floyd will win, Ludacris thinks that Floyd is focused, Hulk Hogan thinks it will be a draw, and yes, Bieber will be escorting Money May into the ring on the night of the big event. Bromances.

TMZ is reporting that the MGM Grand will be blocking all hotels aside from it’s 14 other properties in Vegas from showing May vs. Pac. In addition to the rumors this week that only 1,000 tickets for the fight are being released to the public, it’s looking more and more like “The People’s Fight” …um..isn’t the People’s Fight after all.

Kell Brook fights Jo Jo Dan (did anyone tell this guy that he has three first names and no last name) this Saturday. I could write a prediction article, but I’ll spare myself the embarrassment of being horribly incorrect on all of my predictions and will opt istead to write a review article after the fact. See y’all then.